A Fish Called Selma

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Homer no function beer well without.

Life on the Fast Lane

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.

  • Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
  • Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Last Exit to Springfield

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. I was saying “Boo-urns.” When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!